and she was petting her beer can
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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