i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i dont even know how to be here
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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