i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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