Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
