i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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