Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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