if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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