She's the barista slut.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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