i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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