I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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