I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
