He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
