In the future we'll all be gay
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
