i permit you to call me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
