i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
