Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
