We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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