If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
