Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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