went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Small penises have feelings too.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
