Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
