I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
