Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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