i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
