i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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