OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
