Will you blow on my dice?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
