Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
