remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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