return my video game
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
