Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
