im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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