man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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