Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
