took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
