She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
