I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
