Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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