did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
