i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
