Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
accomplished twins. life is a go
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
