we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
