Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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