she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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