Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
