ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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