wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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