Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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