Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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