Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
