Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
