I'm going to jail i love you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
