Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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