I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
