Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
