omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
