apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
