The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
