Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
