The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
