My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
