please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
