Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
