It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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