Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
