Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think i have two assholes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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