The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
