We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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