I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
