I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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