I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
