508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am puke
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
